Inevitability...

It means that no matter where you are - whether it be in the Subway tubes, on the street, or in a car - someone will not know where they are going and prevent YOU from getting where you're going efficiently.

Guarantee this has happened to you at some point, somewhere.

Somehow, This Doesn't Seem Right...

This morning, Duderino saw a seemingly white dude toting a man bag labeled, "National Association of Black Accountants."

Now, Duderino is no expert. But he's only known one dude with white to olive colored skin who was "black." And the dude he saw this morning did not resemble that dude in any way.

So, um, what gives?

Poor Wardrobe Choices...

On his way to the PATH this morning, Duderino found himself in an interesting predicament.

See, he chose a white polo today to complement his jeans and awesomeness. But it seems at least two other dudes in Hoboken, NJ made the same choice, and were also walking to the PATH this morning around the same time. So Duderino was walking within 10 feet of at least two other dudes wearing white polos.

Consequently, he hasn't felt so Vanilla in quite a while. Good times on a Tuesday morning.

Quote of the Day...

The Dude: Walter, he peed on my rug!
Donny: He peed on the Dude's rug.
Walter: Donny you're out of your element! Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here!

No More Beer, Please...

You know you're getting older when it takes you at least a week to recover from three consecutive nights of hard drinking.

Duderino used to live for three day benders. Now, they damn near kill him.

Ugh, coffee NOW!

File Under Positive Societal Contributions...

See, this is the kind of shit Duderino should really be dedicating his life to.

F law school. What kind of positive impact does that have on the world?

And I mean, Al Gore seems to have the internets and global warming well in hand. So, might as well cater to the niche nearest and dearest to Duderino's heart. Seems like a pretty good idea, right?

Ummmm...Duderino's just gonna go study for law school Final #2 now. If he doesn't post tomorrow, send help...his brain probably exploded.

And yes, that's Duderino in the picture there...

What They Really Meant Here Was...

CATFIGHT!

Quote of the Day...

This makes me sick. Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet, this fucking whore...
- Walter

A classic one for you on this fine awful Tuesday.

Quote of the Day...

Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter: No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.

This Should NOT Be Funny...

Do not attempt to laugh at this. If you do, you risk going straight to hell.

But the good news is, if you do, Duderino will be right there with you.

Wow, that's a lot of people getting wrecked in the face...To Survivor's No Easy Way Out...Quick mom, burn all those home movies.

Quote of the Day...

Walter: Now that is just ridiculous, Dude. Nobody is going to cut your dick off. Not if I have anything to say about it.
The Dude: Thank you Walter, that makes me feel very secure, it makes me feel very warm inside.

Genius if I understand it correctly, it's a swiss fucking watch...am I wrong?

What's A Pederast, Walter?

Pop Quiz - if you saw "Man with A Van" written on a business card, would you think:

a. Furniture Assembler
or
b. Pederast

That's what Duderino thought. Eight-year-olds, dude.

** UPDATE: Thanks to the "spelling czar" for correcting Duderino. It's "pederast," not "pederass." Though the latter certainly sounds funnier to Duderino.

Quote of the Day...

"What are you, a fucking park ranger now?"
- The Dude

Only fitting to follow yesterday's quote with this one. I mean, an amphibious rodent. For domestic purposes. I mean...

Don't Brand Me, Bro!

As all five of you who read this blog regularly know, all too often we (that's the royal we, you know, the editorial) cover recent legal happenings. Sometimes they're interesting. Sometimes they're mundane. Sometimes you probably have no idea why we even bother...'tis the nature of the beast.

But today we've got what we believe is a fun one.

What do you get when you mix a mentally unstable science teacher who doesn't believe in evolution with high voltage electrical devices and of course, children? You guessed it - a lawsuit.

Oh, and if you're one of this guy's 8th graders, a cross branded into your arm.

Yep, a cross BRANDED (as in branded like cattle) with an electrical device described in the complaint as having "a high voltage output that should never be used to touch human skin." Oops, guess someone missed that memo.

Now look, 8th graders can be ornery. Of that we have no doubt. But god only knows (pun intended) what a kid would have to do to be branded with a cross by what you would hope is a responsible adult mentor.

One way or another, Duderino smells a little respondeat superior. Or maybe that's just burning 14-year-old flesh. You decide.

Uplifting story, isn't it?

SOURCE:
Shaping Young Minds and Branding Young Bodies [ATL]

Quote of the Day...

Walter: Were you listening to The Dude's story, Donny?
Donny: What?
Walter: Were you listening to The Dude's story?
Donny: I was bowling.
Walter: So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...

Duderino feels kind of like that these days. Is this the quarter life crisis of which some have spoken?

Quote of the Day...

The Big Lebowski: They did not receive the money, you nitwit! They did not receive the money! Her life was in your hands!
Brandt: This is our concern, Dude.

Quote of the Day...

"What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please."

- Walter

Things That Amaze Duderino...

Today's item - the sheer number of people out there taking pictures of celebrities as a career. I believe they're called "paparazzi" in the parlance of our times.

If you've ever been to the infinite number of interweb celebrity stalking enthusiast sites, you'll know what I'm referring to.

How many dudes and chicks out there must be walking around Hollywood or otherwise (because really, they're everywhere) just salivating at the opportunity to snap a picture of Lindsay Lohan being generally clueless that might net them approximately $8,000 (note - Duderino selected an arbitrary figure here...chances are it's more like $80,000 but who's counting...besides Duderino)?

Imagine if we had this kind of manpower working on a cure for cancer...or the solution to global warming...or like, a way to train Duderino's dog to bring him beers on command...

Quote of the Day...

"You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me...Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon...with nail polish..."

- Walter

Quote of the Day...

Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Brandt: Ah haha. That's marvelous.