May 7, 2008

I've filed a motion to have my preliminary hearing moved to Florida


What does this say about Florida? Stephanie Grissom paid a $310 fine and 3 points on her license for speeding and negligent driving. The fine stems from an incident in which Grissom struck and killed a police officer. Officer Scott Wheeler was working a speed enforcement detail when he was killed. He stepped out into the street to flag Grissom in, and was hit and killed. Here's the kicker, a grand jury declined to indict her on charges of Automobile Manslaughter. How in the world could a grand jury not indict her on charges of Vehicular Manslaughter? Here are just a few possible explanations.

1. Florida has the most sympathetic Grand Jury in the history of the world! Who on that panel thought to themselves, "Hey, I really don't think that this constitutes manslaughter"? Were they retarded? Was the grand jury replaced by monkeys? Were they all members of the same hippie commune? The previous question was intended as joke, and in no way is to be a interpreted as derogatory outlook on the social movement, and it's individual followers.

2. The District Attorney was incompetent. I have never claimed to be a lawyer, but I am pretty that I could convince a panel of pickled eggs to at least indict her. Perhaps the DA is the brother of Dr. Nick from the Simpsons??? perhaps they were just lazy. Either way this case would have made a better episode of CSI: Miami than Law & Order. That David Carusso can do amazing things.

3. Last but not least the depiction of Jeb Bush on Lil' Bush is not satirical, but a literal portrayal of Florida's Governor. If the head of your state is retarded I am positive that it certainly would have trickle down effect on those who receive appointments for their support.

The moral of this story kids is this: Take your case to Florida, and you won't even see trial!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

uhhhhmmmm. the cop shouldn't have been in the road?

1. he should have been going over violent criminals, not standing in the street pulling over white women speeding and yapping on the phone.

2. if he really needed to pull someone over, he should have used his car.

3. if he really needed to stand on the road and block people, he should do so from the SIDE of the road, not the fucking middle of the road.

it's nice to finally see a citizen not jailed for 40 years for an accident or non-violent crime. i hope rulings like this are a precedent of a more reasonable judicial system.

Anonymous said...

I shouldn't ruin your little party with facts but this happened in Maryland, not Florida.

El Duderino said...

Great post man! Thanks for manning the deck while I'm off studying and what not...

But the reason they didn't indict on manslaughter was probably because she didn't intend to cause any physical injury.

This is really just Criminally Negligent Homicide. Aggravated by the fact that it was vehicular. But she just failed to perceive the substantial and unjustifiable risk that her speeding and whatever other negligent behavior she was engaging in created. You might say she was reckless, in which case it could have been manslaughter. But I guess the jury didn't think she realized the risk she was creating. Or something man, my brain isn't working really well right now. I dumped all the mental capacity I had into last nights exam...

Damn, law school has really made me boring...

El Duderino said...

Oh and yeah, looks like Maryland...ish.

domski43 said...

has this person ever played grand theft auto?

The Immortal Silky Johnson said...

I would like to apologize for my gross negligence anonymous reader. I am an idiot.

The Immortal Silky Johnson said...

Completely dropped the ball on that one. Should I print a retraction like the L.A Times?
I am losing my mind.