February 28, 2008

ANTM: Let's Discuss

So, here we are—Season/Cycle 10 of America's Next Top Model.

DISCLAIMER: I hate Tyra Banks with every inch of my soul and often scream at my television while she's talking so you can bet that this will not be a blog about how the sun shines out of her ass.

Although, I missed the premiere last week, it was easy to catch on. Fatima's a bitch, Katarzyna is beautiful, and Marvita is going to end up in a physical fight with one of the other girls (hint: see Fatima). Yet, every season, I'm always amazed at how Tyra finds new ways to make the show all about her. Not only is her ugly mug posted in larger-than-life photos all over the house, along with new video Tyra mail (barf), but this week, she had a "Fab Cab"—some sort of stretch yellow taxi thing—pull up to take the girls to their shoot. And guess who the posted taxi license said was the driver? TYRA!!! Ironically, the shoot was about raising awareness of the young homeless population.

So the new models posed with some real, live (!) homeless girls, only the homeless girls were dressed in high fashion, and the models were dressed down to look like they were living on the street. Living on the street with a hair stylist, makeup assistant, and some of the most chic "homeless" attire I've seen, but whatever. Most of the girls did okay, Marvita and Fatima fought over who could make the shoot more about them, and it was off to judging.

Of course, Tyra took this opportunity to express to the audience that she herself was homeless for a day on some stupid-ass segment of the Tyra Show where she dressed up and became "that person that she ignores everyday." (Hey, Tyra—pretending you are homeless for a day is not the same as being homeless. Just like dressing up in a fat suit for a day is not the same as a lifetime of ridicule...)


I have to say, Whitney—this season's new "plus-sized" model—by far had the best photo. Amis was in the bottom two and Atalya—an 18-year-old who's never lived away from home—was eliminated. Too bad. I think she could have gone farther than Amis (who apparently changed her name from Amy to "Amis" because of the bible. Umm, are you talking about AMOS?).

When the judges came to Kimberly, this season's token idiotic blonde who says "like" A LOT, she like took it as her chance to express to the judges how much she like "disapproves" of like high fashion. Cute, Kimberly, but like, shut up. Then, when assured by the judges that she herself wouldn't actually have to wear high fashion in the day to day, only promote it, she again squeaked something about how she like doesn't think it's like right to pay like that much money for like an outfit. The judges asked her if she wanted to leave, and she said like, yes.

Kimberly, are you like fucking kidding me? This is Cycle TEN. Thus, you've had 9 years to watch the show, figure out what it's all about, and decide whether or not you want to make an audition tape, fly to New York and be a part of it. Why did you even like, tryout?

Curious minds, be sure to check out more of Kimberly on YouTube.

1 comment:

El Duderino said...

Sounds an awful lot like Derelicte to me...

Which brings to mind my favorite Zoolander line -
"Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!"