Donna Martin Graduates

So, I know you all will judge me for this, but tough shit. I don't care.

Tori Spelling (aka Donna Martin, the beloved "virgin" of Beverly Hills, 90210) had a book signing yesterday at Borders in Columbus Circle and I went. Yes, I went. And, more importantly, it was awesome.

To rest all of your minds, I only heard about the signing through my BF who was scheduled to take pictures of the event. I am not—I repeat, NOT—signed up on some iheartToriSpelling.com mailing list or anything like that. I just happen to have loved 90210 as a young adult and yes, I still catch the reruns on SoapNet every now and then.

The signing was set for 7 PM and not knowing what kind of freak show turnout there would be, I headed there (at a leisurely pace) after work with a friend who I dragged along. Okay, I kind of tricked her into going, but she admittedly had fun.

Arriving at 5:20 (who knew the commute to Columbus Circle from East 42nd was so speedy?), we opted to shop around the store before getting into line with the other losers. Around 6:00, we got in line behind about 25 people. A younger gay man followed us. We started talking to the nice gay man about all of the crazy creepy fans there and he seemed normal. Being a book-signing virgin, I asked him if he'd ever been to an event like this and he nonchalantly said, "Oh, not really. Only once or twice."

LIAR.

As time dwindled on, the things that came pouring out of this guy's mouth started to astound me. He HAD been to a book signing or two... try SEVERAL. And not only did he go to a book signing for Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Felicity Huffman, etc., a CD-signing for No Doubt, but he also frequents the crowd outside of Letterman and Regis and Kelly, several mornings/nights a week, um, because he "lives near by." Riiiiight. My friend and I turned to each other with a look that said our Creepy Stalker Alert had just gone off.

Well, in walks Tori Spelling. Oh, Donna. She looked fabulous and sounded just like the Donna we all know and love from that magical box in our living rooms called TV.

But holy shit. The crowd—which by then had wrapped all the way around the bookstore and probably included about 150 to 200 people—went crazy. I mean, my hand started to sweat a bit (probably because I had been clutching my book so tightly for fear that one of the other freaks would snatch it from me), but these folks went wild. Climbing bookshelves, pushing, jumping up and down to try and catch a precious glimpse of Tori. One woman started waving her homemade collage of 90210 magazine clippings and photos entitled, "Donna Martin Graduates."

And the gay boy. Oh, the gay boy. He started bragging to the girl in front of us (she seemed normal, too, until she almost started crying when Tori walked in the room and wouldn't shut the fuck up about how nervous/excited/awesome she was) and out came the camera. My god. This little gay stalker had taken self photos of himself and Nicky Hilton, Kate Bosworth, and many, many more. He even mentioned a celebrity scrapbook. Scary. It was almost as if the adrenaline rush had unleashed these monsters onto all of us.

Needless to say, I got my book signed. But... I was so distracted by Tori's pretty pink sharpie that I barely even looked at her face and said nothing but a quick thank you. If anything, I felt bad for not warning her about all the freaks. Somehow, I have a feeling she knew.